Post by rramom on Apr 15, 2013 19:04:16 GMT -5
The reason we practice gun safety, is because we realize that in an instant, a person can be killed. Sometimes we forget that can happen in other ways. Vehicle accidents, workplace/working at home accidents, lightning strikes, heart attacks, strokes, etc. are other ways a person can die in an instant. Others may die more slowly, but the end will come to all of us. However, none of us really know when we’ll take our last breath.
Some of us realize the odds are greater that our death will come sooner rather than later. I’m in that group. I’ve got an inoperable heart condition. Death can come as quickly as a blood clot can form.
My cardiologist has been treating me with medications, but they are reaching the limit of their abilities. He’s told me to not exercise in less than 60°F weather, and put me on a 1,500 calorie per day diet, as he said that extra weight is straining my heart. I’ve dropped 50 pounds since October, and he hasn’t told me I’ve lost enough yet. My clothes are literally falling off of me, but I hate to spend a bundle on clothes that I might not wear for long.
Just this year, I’ve developed a new problem. Walking or climbing stairs will bring on leg pain, exhaustion, and even chest pain.
The doctors are trying to figure out the reason for it. I’ve had several tests, physical therapy, and exams so far. The tests haven’t shown a cause, and PT made matters worse. My family doctor said if they can’t figure out what’s wrong with me in Wichita, he may send me to Mayo Clinic.
So either I’m looking at instant death, or maybe a life of disability. What can a person in my situation do?
First, I try to make sure that I tell my loved ones “I love you” often, hug them a lot, and always part on good terms. Thankfully, I’ve tried to practice that for decades, so it has been a great habit to keep doing. It is a great way for all of us to live, as we never know when either we or our loved ones will die.
Second, I’m working on a “bucket list”. Not so much for experiences I want to have before I die, but things I want to do for my family before I go. With both of my parents gone, I know what it is like to be a survivor. That has helped me to understand what we treasure after they’re gone, and what is just stuff to be sold at a garage sale, given or thrown away. It amazed me how much stuff my parents kept that were so important to them, but means so little to those of us who remain. Then there are things like quilts, paintings, and clothing that my mom made that I will treasure as long as I live. I also try to tell my husband and sons “just in case” info as it pops into my head. If it is something really important, I make sure I put it in writing. Better to let them know now whether it has to do with medical end-of-life issues, or handling things afterward.
Third, I’m trying to keep a good attitude and build good memories. I’ve had some experiences that I might have otherwise deferred, because I realize that there might not be a “next time” to do it instead. But I’ve also accepted that there are some things that I’ll never do, even though they probably would have been fun. Knowing what waits for me in heaven, makes accepting that easier. I’m not completely confined to a wheelchair, but I can’t stand or walk for very long without pain, so I have to change the way I do things now. It might be easy to get depressed with my limitations, but there are so many more people in this world – including some I know – who have more problems than I do. It is better to focus on each moment, and doing what I can, than to grow bitter over my losses.
I look back on my life, and am so grateful. Thanks to my husband’s support, I was able to stay home with our sons once they were born, and homeschool them until they went to college. That gave me the opportunity to communicate and model my values to our sons. They’re not perfect, but I’m pretty proud of them. They are honest and trustworthy, don’t use drugs, alcohol, or fool around with girls (or guys for that matter!) Now that they are adults, both of my sons have told me that they value my advice and teaching. That’s a pretty good return on my investment in them! They know that I’m not a hypocrite, and that I’ve chosen my values after careful consideration. I’m glad that my husband and I worked through the difficult times in our marriage, and now can enjoy being with each other. We know we can count on each other when it matters.
Having these relationships healthy has been a big asset, as I have to ask for more and more help from my family now. I feel sorry for my siblings who don’t have spouses or children to help them as they age. I don’t know what I’d do without my husband and sons.
So, if one day, TrailerDwarf announces I’ve passed on, know that it wasn’t a total surprise to us. I plan on living life to the fullest that I can until then, but not lose sight of the fact that this life isn’t the end. I don’t know what my future holds, but I know whatever happens, God will be with me. I’d love to have y’all come to my heavenly mansion where we’ll have lots of food and fun!
(And no concerns about calories, cholesterol, sodium or anything like that.)
